Your Personal Belly of a Whale

A few weeks ago in my metaphor class we came across this poem. My professor asked us to read it several times and then analyze it. I thought I'd share since the poem is absolutely beautiful. I also shared my analysis since it seems appropriate of how I feel sometimes when Im at certain stops along my life.

Things to Do In The Belly of The Whale
Measure the walls. Count the ribs. Notch the long days.
Look up for the blue sky through the spout. Make small fires
with the broken hulls of fishing boats. Practice smoke signals. 
Call old friends, and listen for echos of distant voices. 
Organize your calendar. Dream of the beach. Look each way
for the dim glow of light. Work on your reports. Review
each of your life's ten million choices. Endure moments 
of self-loathing. Find the evidence of those before you. 
Destroy it. Try to be very quiet, and listen for the sound
of gears and moving water. Listen for the sound of your heart. 
Be thankful that you are here, swallowed with all hope, 
where you can rest and wait. Be nostalgic. Think of all
the things you did and could have done. Remember
treading water in the center of the still night sea, your toes
pointing again and again down, down into the black depths. 
~Dan Albergotti

This poem is not just about being swallowed by a whale but looking deeper realizing its metaphorically speaking of being swallowed by life. 

Measure the walls accounts for the hurdles that we face. Sometimes these hurdles seem insurmountable yet we must measure them if we're to get over them. How will we decide to scale them without knowing how big they are? Some may be smaller but we must take stock of our strength if we are to see ourselves on the other side. These walls may take us a long time to figure out. Notch the long days. Count them. 

Sometimes looking around and being aware of your surroundings renders a new perspective. Look each way for the dim glow of light that you have been waiting for. A different alternative, a better opportunity may be lurking there in the depths. All you need is a bit of light to lead you out, even if you still feel stuck. Maybe being stuck for a while isn't so bad. There comes a point where everyone must Endure moments of self-loathing. When we are forced to be introspective we are bound to find things that we hate. Embrace them, change them. It's crucial to becoming a different person. 

Find the evidence of those before you. Destroy it. Those moments of self-loathing may be the one solemn time you really dig deep. Find the evidence of the things you detest, attitudes, behaviors, habits that you may have inherited and destroy them. They are no longer yours. Then you can relax feeling peace and Listen to the sound of your heart. Be thankful that you are here, swallowed with all hope, where you can rest and wait. We forget that we are just human, flesh upon bones. We are not machines. we need rest, we need centering. Our life revolves around four chambers that work in a symbiotic relationship to keep you upright. We must respect and stand in awe of that power. Feel your heart, hear it, and enjoy it. Tomorrow brings a new start. 

With a new start we become conscious that our troubles aren't so overwhelming. Look up for the blue sky through the spout when your troubles seem to surround you and there's no way out. Look up. Up may be the only option you have. Creative thinking sometimes can get you out of a dilemma. Think of all the things you did and could have done while looking for ways out. What ripples have you spread into the world? Mull these over, let the memories of those moments wash over you. Remember how you felt. Then think of the potential you hold inside for what could have been. Be sad for them, even cry. It may not have been your time or maybe it just hasn't happened yet. 

But above all, Remember treading water in the center of the still night sea, your toes pointing again and again, down, down into the black depths. Treading water is like fighting through life. It's work. You're going to get tired. You'll want to quit but if you do, you're going to sink. Sometimes we must be still enough to consider all of our life. Every single breath pulled down into our pink lungs. Really consider it. Has it mattered? What does it all mean unless you consider it?

We must remember it and we must never quit. 

Until next time, Happy Thanksgiving

Hurry Sickness

These last few weeks have been hectic. 
          Super Hectic....and I find myself wondering how do we stop the craziness? 

The constant tug to do everything, to fit it all in and make it all work together. 
Why do we do this? It's not pleasant. 

This is typical in our household: We've over scheduled ourselves, we're crabby because we've done this, I'm yelling we have to hurry, JC is yelling he's coming, Beck is bouncing off the walls, I'm trying to get my shoes on, Beck's shoes on, we're cramming ourselves into the car, and we're rushing...then we get to where we're going, magically step out of the car and we've pulled it all together just in time to put on our smiling faces. 

I have to admit, I hate it and hate is a strong word. 
I'm constantly racking my brain to figure out a better way, make the timing better, make us get along better, to stop all the scurrying, the yelling, the talking over one another...and I simply can't do it. 

We have hurry sickness and its thriving in my household. 

The number one problem: 

Somehow I think that "hurrying" will buy me more time. If I hurry to get all the things done on my list then I can sit back and do something I enjoy...
except this NEVER occurs.
 I never sit down and say: 

"Phew, I'm glad I hurried through all that so I could just sit here and relax!"
How many things are left on my to-do list that I've hurried
 to get to that are still lingering there? 
Becks baby book
All the books I'd love to read
The magazines I never get to look at
The dinners I would love to make
The movies that are never watched 
The crafts, ideas, people I need to catch up with

And according to John Ortberg, hurry sickness has very real symptoms.  Here are two of the symptoms I suffer from the most ~
                                           An Inability to Love & Sunset Fatigue. 

An Inability to Love
"Love and hurry are fundamentally incompatiable. Love always takes time, and time is one thing hurried people don't have."
~John Ortberg

Oh my, that stepped on my toes. How many times have I told B to hurry up, we have to go, we're on a schedule? How many times have I said "if you would just cooperate, if you would just listen, if you would just do what I ask"? How many times has he wanted me to watch him do something once more, read him one more book, play with him for a few more minutes and I've refused because I just don't have the time? How many times have I heard "but you said we could" only to reply "I know but we don't have time"...    TIME.... it feels like my nemesis. 
Thinking about all that makes me squeamish, makes me say OUCH, that hurts a little. 

I think about time in two ways, not enough time and time passed, 

but hardly ever in the PRESENT time.

 It makes me sad that time just passes and we don't realize how much we've missed because we're either looking ahead, or looking back. Beck is 4 years old,

Mariah is 15 and learning to drive!

 I've been together and married with JC for about 8 years. 

I don't want to continue to miss out on the beautifulness of 

their precious lives and how it all entangles with mine anymore. 

Sunset Fatigue
"Sunset Fatigue is when we are just too tired, or too drained, or too preoccupied, to love the people to whom we have made the deepest promises"
~John Ortberg
Further: You find yourself rushing for no reason, there is underlying tension that causes sharp words, you set up mock races (who can shower faster, dress quicker, get up to bed first!), you sense a loss of gratitude and wonder, and you indulge in self-destructive escapes from fatigue (TV, computer etc). 

YIKES! Thats me too. By 9pm I'm exhausted, crabby and feel like no one appreciates my efforts. I loathe packing a lunch, getting a bag ready for the next day and typically fight off sleep while trying to read books with Beck. I feel guilty that I spend little quality time with JC and I find myself wishing away the week just trying to get to the weekend, except that I know the weekend brings more "stuff". 

Not to mention it's dampering my spiritual life, something that is really important to me. It's really hard to be focused and feel connected with God when you need toothpicks to keep your eyelids open! Hurry is what keeps me from praying, hurry is what makes me bitter. Hurry lies behind my anger, my guilt, my frustration and my inability to love the people around me that I care about the most! 

So what do we do:
We must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from our lives. 

Saying "no" to over scheduling, systematically slowing down, refusing to let our culture tell us we must go from one task to another. Practicing patience and practicing loving people, starting with our own families, may be the key to breaking this hurry cycle. So it's just a work in progress. Evaluating what's important, over and over, then resolving to make sure that we keep at it. I'm not sure if hurry ever really leaves our lives. There are some times that really require it...but not the whole of our days, every day. 

We must also grant ourselves the permission to have some solitude without feeling like it's a waste of our time. We are conditioned to feel like our "existence is justified only when we are doing something" (pg 88 Living the Life You Want, Ortberg). 

All I can say is that I'm going to work on this. Really, really work on this. When I think about trying to fit it all in I'm going to do my best to think of these cuties and decide how it impacts everything as a whole. 

*Photo by Eliza Stocking 

*references to John Ortberg, "Living the Life You've Always Wanted
I recommend reading it, even if you just pick out the parts that you like! 

Snippets

A peek inside my thoughts~

"Concern yourself with mankind" :
I saw this in a magazine.  No one was quoted, it was just in quotation marks so I don't necessarily feel so guilty about using it myself. I have thought about that sentence all week long. I even used it as a FB status update. I actually wish it was a T-Shirt...I'd buy it, in multiple colors. The more I think about it, the more consuming it becomes.

Concern Yourself with Mankind

Its so incredibly basic. It's so simple.

Just Concern yourself.

Read the news, know what's going on around you, figure out ways to help.

Do you take bags of clothes to Goodwill?

There, you just concerned yourself. 

Do you tithe, give to charity, have organizations that are dear to you?

Well, you just concerned yourself.

Do you give that homeless guy on the street a dollar without judging?

There, you just did it.

Do you teach your children how blessed they are to have clothes, food, a bed? Did it again.
It doesn't take much to just concern yourself. 

It seems to me that if we all just concerned ourselves a little more

with mankind, a lot more "stuff" would get done, and perhaps 

more people wouldn't suffer so much.

23 Children Dead in India:

This story just broke my heart. A government meal plan gone awry. The pictures from this tragedy are hard to take in. If you haven't seen this story or viewed any of the photos, I urge you too. It puts things into perspective. I have to say I used this story this week as well when my four year old (yet again) was hemming and hawing at the dinner table. After about the 5th time of hearing, "I don't want this" (this being a particularly scrumptious meal of PB&J, accompanied by fruit and cottage cheese) I finally turned and said:

"You know what Beck, we shouldn't complain about what we get to eat. There's nothing wrong with your food, and did you know that 23 children were poisoned in India by the food that they were eating? It made them really sick, and we're blessed that we don't have to worry about our food."

At which came the reply "What's poison?"

"It keeps bugs off our food but because we live here we don't usually have to worry about getting sick from our food. So we should eat it because there's

lots of kids in lots of places that don't get anything to eat for a long time."

It worked and the PB&J went down with little more to be said about it.
Now I realize some people won't agree with me talking so candidly about that stuff, maybe it's a little much for a 4 year old but I disagree. I want to raise a child that's aware of the fact that we live in a great place, that we have more than we could ever want, that we are beyond lucky to be living in this time. I'm grateful, that beyond normal parent worry, I feel like my kid is going to be OK. I don't have to worry that he's going to ingest insecticide from a government provided lunch and then late that afternoon I'll be burying his tiny little body. The most basic, basic, basic thought is that we are blessed to be living here.

On to less heavy things:

I officially launched Mission Bling this past week. It's a way to raise money to get myself and the hubs back to Africa. Look it up through Facebook, like it, share it. I also got to participate in a "FUNdraiser" for my churches youth group where a portion of the proceeds went towards their mission fund. It was awesome and I'd be willing to do it again! Anyone got a fundraiser going on?? It all goes around~

I forgot my glasses at home yesterday which seriously impeded my ability to work. Number one, I couldn't quite see the computer screen and number two (which is the most important) I felt that my smartness was gone! Now anyone who wears glasses knows what I'm talking about! I feel smarter when I wear them. I feel like people think I'm smarter when I wear them. They've given me a "smartness factor" that I've never had before. So before when my patients looked at me like I didn't know what I was talking about, now that I have glasses, I feel like (well, I know) they respect my opinion more. So for anyone who wants to feel smart, look smart or just gain an edge, I urge you to go to your local Kmart, Walmart etc (gas station?) and get yourself a pair of specs and try out my theory. I'm telling you, it changes something. It's no longer a cause to be called "four eyes".

NEXT~
Poop: My life is consumed with poop right now. Yep. POOP
Hi, my name is Haven, and I have a 4 year old who is not potty trained. I already know what you're thinking. Yes, I've tried that.....and that too, and yes, THAT. I've done everything from yelling (yes, I'm ashamed of that) to bribing, to sweet talking, to promising stuff, to saying I'm going to do things that I don't even know I can make happen.

Me: Beck, if you poop on the potty I'll call the fire department and I'll get you a ride on their big fire truck!
Beck: Really?! On that big one, the red one that we see in the parades?
Me: YES!! I'll get you a ride on that firetruck!
Beck: And I can pull the siren string?
Me: YES!! Maybe they'll let you ring the bell thingy!
(And I mean it folks, I'll lay down in front of that massive firetruck until they have no choice but to let him ride in the front seat if he would just poop on the toilet)

You see, I'm on a timeline. He has to go to preschool. Why? Because he's totally bored where he's at. He needs some learning and I'm not talking about colors and letters. He knows that stuff. And he needs some diversity. And I think that being around kids that poop on the toilet would help. Right??
Now pee.....we're good on that home front.
So pray for me. And for Beck, and for his Dad who refuses to buy anymore diapers:

Jon: Uh Beck, just came back from the store and they told me they're out of diapers!
Beck: They don't have anymore diapers?
Jon: Nope, so you're going to have to just poop on the potty now. OK?
Beck: Ahhh dang it.

That happens on a regular basis.
Pray that my kid poops on the toilet. He's done it a few times and he's so proud of himself when he does. Granted, he has had lots of GI issues and we do see a pediatric GI specialist for ongoing things since he was a preemie but c'mon, I'm ready for the next stage of freedom! UNDERWEAR!!!

Anyway~
Another week, another day,
Lots of love coming your way!
Until next time:
Please try to concern yourself!

Haven

"Close that door!!"

This past week I learned a hard lesson. It's been weeks in the making and it finally culminated into "the moment" where my blinkers (yes people, there actually called blinkers, not blinders, in proper racehorse terminology) were taken off.

The Explanation:
Several months ago an opportunity presented itself to JC and myself that I really felt (and still do) was a real, tangible game changer for us. Without going into too many details (#1: because it's boring #2: it still may happen at a later date #3: I don't want to drag other parties involved through my pondering), the gist of the scenario was that JC and I (and possibly Beck depending on length of stay) would be traveling back to ET to teach local Ethiopians how to take Xrays, talk with doctors, teach a little CT and discuss certain aspects of clinical situations.

The timing felt perfect! I had just started cross training in CT, I wasn't in school, tickets and housing were going to be a non issue, we both had time banked at work and we had a 30 day leave policy. It was going to be an adventure! Everything seemed poised and ready.

And then God shut the door.
I mean, slammed it, hard.
Hard like a 14 year old girl screaming I hate you, hard.

Have you ever walked face first into a screen or glass door damaging your nasal cavity while leaving a gigandous lump right smack in the middle of your forehead?

Yup...that's what I got. And that's what it felt like.

BUT...instead of falling backward, and being poutty and all upset, I felt thankful. I even said it out loud to myself:

Me: "It's ok. I'm ok with it."

That's what I needed to stop wavering so much between the "I shoulds and I shouldn'ts". It's final and I actually feel relieved. I was happy that I let myself explore the option without discounting it right away. 

And I thought that was it~

However, I've discovered that these last few weeks of going through this process brought a few other things to light.

The truth of the matter was, I thought JC would jump right on board with me. When that wasn't the case, I was completely shocked! Instead of listening, I pressed on figuring ok, it's just me then. I chose to ignore the nagging feeling that something wasn't sitting right with me about us not agreeing on this. It was hard for him to support me going, and it was hard for me to understand why he couldn't just go. It was becoming increasingly difficult to come to a compromise. Frankly, it was downright miserable...until the decision was made for me, then WAH-LAA! Relief. 

The Moral of the Story:
I've realized in the days following the "infamous door slamming" that I was so intent on looking through the open door that I was totally neglecting the messy room around me. It wasn't just neglect, it was NEGLECT. 

You know when kids don't clean their room and then things start to kinda smell,  perhaps a half drank glass of milk is starting to curdle, or maybe you happen upon a trail of ants leading to something unknown under the bed, or maybe it looks like a tidal wave of clothes happened.  
Ya, it's that kind of neglect.

It's so easy for me to put myself first sometimes...
My mission trips,
My school,
My wants,
My feelings,
My time,
that I get consumed by achieving MY GOALS. And those stupid blinkers are right back on again.

I'm seriously convinced that this opportunity was NOT for us to go teach~ but to ignite the pressure cooker, stir up a hornets nest, and get my nerves up about serious issues that I've been neglecting, that I swore up and down I would take care of. 

How easily we fade back into the wisp we were before we felt like we changed for the better!

This has caused us to reconsider, step back, search with clarity, breathe and reevaluate the direction of our family. It's caused openness and honesty that wasn't there before. And as much as it kinda stings (ya, like yellow jackets), it's humbled me~ AGAIN ~ and it's made me realize that my priorities still may be slightly askew.

But, I'm up for the challenge, it will get fixed. And most importantly, I have to remember that this is just "life". We're all doing it, just maybe at different tempos with different ideas, but we're doing it. 

Kleenex and possible riots

It's been awhile.

School has offically ended for the summer, which I had decided to take off after much discussion with JC. It's good for my family.

They needed a break from my school days,

I needed a break from school,

and I needed that cloud that threatens my sanity to

go away for awhile!

Enter in my current problem.

I'm Bored.

Yes...certifiably bored.

I honestly feel like I'm going through withdrawls of chaos!

And I'm slightly worried that somehow I

will loose my knack for cramming in homework

at the weirdest, smallest smidgeons of time.

Although, I have seriously searched myself and feel like

that is one of my honest to goodness talents!

So, the remedy:

Me: Jon, I think I'm going to try and teach myself Spanish.

Jon: Why would you do that? You have the summer off.

Me: Precisely. Oh, and I'm going to teach Beck too.

Jon: You're crazy.

Me: No, I'm bored.

And I decided that I'm going to start cross training in CT....

so now my brain is full, and I feel better now.

On to better news.

Some of my photos from my trip back in Feb. were

shown in church, albeit (yes... I love that word) a short

photo display, I was hoping to rally the troops and

really get a lot of people stirred!
Ya, not so much...

I have to confess that I was irritated.

 Not with having to be there, or talk

but just with the situation.

The frustration lies in wanting people to really hear me.

Not "hear" me as their eyes glaze over...but

H   E   A   R

me and make changes.
And I always think that I need,
you know, big slideshows set to moving music
with my personal story attached to each picture,
lots of kleenex, tears, and people flocking,
no wait, pushing each other out of the way
to come talk to me about what they can do...

But it's not happening like that~

I have to remember

and I think what I'm being taught here, is that

grand things can happen out of small ways.

It's easy for me to grumble about all the ways in which

I would have liked to share my trip with EVERYONE,

but maybe the people who really need to hear about it

are the ones who ask quietly.

Like a doctor I got to share with in an exam room

because of partial nerve damage in my lower leg

 from sitting on cement floors at Chapa with them

bent underneath me.

Funny, right?

Doesn't God work in all ways?!

Or like the only couple that came to chat

with me after a really good church service. They're

looking for something to do for a

25 year anniversary trip. Why not serve side by side

with your spouse as a way to spread the love!

Or one of my OB nurses who I hadn't seen in ages

that spotted me in the cafeteria. She wondered

when I was going to come "see her again"...

~code language~

"when are you having another baby?"

and somehow that turns into me telling her

                                    about the trip and how it's changed so much.

                       So, I'll just sit back and let the opportunities keep coming.

It may not be a huge ordeal with a laser pointer
and a kleenex shortage but it will
happen. I can almost feel the ripple effect starting...

Here's some more photos.
If you're interested in helping, or coming with me on the next trip,
let me know. You just may be MY next opportunity.

Shone Carepoint

Entoto Mountain

Woman with gathered eucalyptus 

Embracing Hope Ethiopia

No Ordinary Love Ministries

Coffee Ceremony at No Ordinary Love

Cooking lunch...sheep anyone?

Kids at Chapa Carepoint

Ulyssess before

and after...

The Feast

foot care 

These are 3 of the kids my sister Ashley sponsors



Varmites & Gremlins

Back again~Let's just jump right in:

So last blog post I mentioned that I had some "things" that just kept

swirling around, rearing their ugly little heads up at me...just like a gremlin!

Here are those pesky varmites:

#1- I wanted another baby

#2- I wanted to be a doctor

Let's address these: business meeting style~

First off "WANT" is not nearly an appropriate word for how I felt about having another baby. I can't accurately descirbe the feeling in any

other terms except it was almost a constant ache, like actual:

~pain~

 It never went away. And trust me~ I prayed daily it would go away,

as in DISAPPEAR, because the fact of the matter is,

Jon wasn't feeling it and it wasn't just a little problem.

It was a big

Elephant

size, standing in my face,

blasting me with it's trunk noise (or whatever you call that)

PROBLEM!

It was creating a rift. We couldn't talk about it, it was too hard and always

left us feeling really guilty, really angry and definitely disconnected.

So, I swallowed it, and asked God to take care of it because I didn't know how.

Secondly: All this doctor business~

Sounds a little CRAY CRAY...right?!

It all started with a little tiny book called

Mountains Beyond Mountains by Tracy Kidder

Read it-Seriously

It's about Haiti and the good work that Paul Farmer is doing over there. The burden that book

put on me felt like a 50lb weight sitting on my chest.

I needed to do something.

And one night in the car I said it out loud. "I need to be a doctor"

I can't say that once I came to the realization that I was possibly going to do this 

that I wasn't slightly self indulgent. Besides- and lets all be honest here-

How does your name sound with Dr. in front of it? How does that make you feel?

ya- I know, sounds....what? Kinda cool, right?!

BUT I kept asking myself

"Isn't that the wrong idea?"

 It's not supposed to be about ME,

but I had this weird notion that somehow it would elevate me~

Notice how "I" and "me" keep coming up...NOT GOOD.

Plus c'mon!

 I just turned 33, schools expensive, I'd have to quit my job and we'd have to

make it on one income for like 10 years! Thats a lot of pressure

to put on the hubs, especially when he nearly passed out

when I told him I was thinking about it. It wasn't exactly fair for me to plod forward so I could feel fulfilled at the expense of my family. 

These things had been plaguing me, I mean really sucking me down into an abyss

where I felt paralyzed with indescision and lots of inner conflict. Not to mention that my household was not the most fun place to be!

Then something happend

~Chapa Happened~

Look at these cuties. Photo by Mel Strobel

Before my trip to Ethiopia my sister Melanie and I had discussed several times about how we could conduct a footcare clinic. It would entail washing the childrens feet and then I would

be checking them out for any sort of medical yucky that needed to be taken care of. As we started pricing out supplies it was evident that this was going to be expensive. Making kits for 300+ kids was not going to be cheap, so we started discussing the possibility that it just wasn't going to happen. And then something truly amazing happened. A gentlemen at my church came up to me and asked

"What do you need?"

At first I started blubbering about this and that and how expensive it was, and he stopped me

"What do you need?"

I told him and he supplied everything:over 300 nail clippers, over 800 files

while someone else provided over 300 ziplocs to make the kits in:

God is Good.

Fast Forward

Walking into the Chapa community compound and hearing all those little voices singing & chanting our greeting was awesome! To see their little faces, all smiles standing in neat rows, so excited for us to be there was incredible. I began looking at their feet from a distance and decided that some serious work was about to go down!

So we set up in the chapel, wooden benches, cement floors, basins in front with soapy water and started bringing in groups of kids.

Their feet were filthy, some had no shoes or shoes you and I

would have thrown away long ago.

The first little boy sat down in front of me and I very gently put his feet into my soapy water and began to wash them. I looked up and he was melting with relaxation. His feet were a mess.

This little man was so ticklish!

Cheri Rogers was Amazing!

Heres the gist: warts, fungus, lifted toenails, no toenails, painfull callouses and manure, cuts, scrapes, bruises. Some were worse then others and we had to weed out the worst to see if we could get them on a "to see medical" list. We sent one for immediate

medical attention because of a large abscess that needed surgery.

We had 2 translators as some children spoke Sidamo and some Amharic, and as children would come sit with us we'd ask

"Is this painful?" and watch as the question would go through

2 languages and then come back to us!

It was incredible to see how language can bridge all gaps and make us all who we are:

human, living on this same planet.

It was during that very first experience with that little boy, as I clipped nails and looked over fungus, watching his face God made it very clear to me:

"See Haven, you don't have to go to medical school just to help. You're off the hook

on that one. Stop feeling guilty about not doing something different with your life.

See how I'm using you now!"

The rest of our time there was just lesson after lesson in God's faithfulness. The kids, the feast, the singing was beyond words. And then finally leaving, with happiness but also feeling like there was so much left undone.

Will they use their kits? Did they understand how?

The questions just kept swirling around my brain in the 5 hour van ride back to Addis. I had my headphones on and "Jesus in Disguise" was playing. I was taking in the landscape, processing everything and praying for God to just silence my brain alittle so I could just listen and then peace and clarity just came over me. It was just a whisp of a sound:

"You are not supposed to have any more children. It's not your story.

Your story is to go to PA school and then come back here and help"

It was clear as day and I felt nothing but relief. The saddness over all those giggling babies that would never be mine vanished. The anxiety over school was no where to be found.

Now when people ask me about having a second child I can

confidently say

"No, we're good"

And when people ask me what I'm doing with my life I can

confidently say

"I'm heading to PA school"

The Bottom Line Is:

For so long I was trying to do it my way

all the while praying for God to give me direction.

Well, you cant do it YOUR way if you want Him to have His WAY

It just deosn't work like that.

You have to be willing to say yes to the struggle and to whatever outcome

may be waiting there for you.

It's about fully trusting that you're supposed to be where you are right now because-

well,

That's where you're supposed to be!

Chapa was so incredible that I'll post more about what we did there next...
I just wanted to share my own personal experience this time~ 

What we did, What we saw.

We're landing! My heartbeat quickens. First because that was the quickest, shortest, bounciest landing with the brakes,  I'm sure,  pushed fully to the floor to stop this big metal tube of death.....

and secondly because I had made it! I couldn't wait to see what was out those doors.

I'd already decided that I was going to fully embrace whatever was going to happen without the fear of anyone judging me. It was a good thing

because over the course of the next few days I would quickly become a 

HOT MESS

Getting through customs wasn't THAT bad. Lots of bodies- hot bodies- bodies that don't wear deodorant, jammed into long lines. Getting our visas, finding our luggage and then exchanging money (which was a little crazy) went pretty smoothly. We had a slight scare getting all the donations through the xray machine that checks each piece

of luggage before it exits the terminal, which means that

there is a small possibility "the stuff" could be confiscated for other uses.

After loading every one's luggage onto carts we made our way out of the front doors. I was immediately shocked by how blue the sky was- 

I'm talking

 BLUE. 

I know the sky here is blue too....but this sky was BLUE BLUE!

Making our way down the ramp to the parking lot proved challenging as several times my cart would hit a bump and send my luggage flying off all over the place! The parking lot was full of Ethiopians in groups standing around people watching. I think (if I remember right) I was told that the airport is kind of like a local hangout.

We definitely stuck out as a large group of white (fringi) Americans as we watched several locals who work with One Child Campaign load all our luggage up onto three vans that would be carting us around for the week, and taking us to our Guesthouse where we would be staying in Addis.

*Photo By Karen Brewer

First things First:

The traffic was intense! There are no street signs, street lights, crosswalks, and nothing directing traffic. There were small three-wheeled taxi's everywhere zipping in and out between cars, vans, cattle, goats, donkeys with carts, and people who walk literally everywhere. I learned very quickly that horns are the most important part on a vehicle, and our group quickly became divided between the thrill seekers who loved it (me!) and those that preferred seat belts and traffic lights.

*Photo By Karen Brewer

The scenery was amazing. Truly like nothing Ive ever seen before. Half built structures with scaffolding everywhere, mountains all around, open markets, animals, thick smog,

~Dirt~

dirty people

dirty children

Overwhelming Poverty

A quick 15 minute drive and we arrived at the Guesthouse. Lots of space to fit in lots of people. Three women who stay there to "take care" of the guests greeted us as we made our way inside into our designated rooms, and picked out our bunks. 

We moved in quickly wanting to get settled after the long trip and then we had our first challenge:

We learned that there was a water shortage

and we had very little water

*Photo By Melanie Strobel

We were faced with our first opportunity to

GRUMBLE

But we didn't

The water would be an on going issue throughout the week as well as spotty Internet connections but it was amazing to see how people immersed in first world luxuries all their lives would rise to the occasion of dry shampooing, baby wipe baths and no social media! (And by the middle of the week we did figure out the shower situation and did hit up a few places with Internet.)

All of us were here to focus on other things

That first night we went out across the dirt road to a field and played soccer with some of the local kids. That was the start of my undoing! I knew that this was going to be an

emotional whirlwind and I was ready for it!

*Photos By Melanie Strobel

During our trip we visited several ministries or models as they call them to bring donations like clothing, shoes, hygiene products, children's toys, books, anything and everything you can think of that people who have nothing can use. We visited ministries that were empowering women helping them to maintain jobs and regain some of their dignity that's lost in only ways you can imagine. We visited ministries that created new families by putting children together with widows giving them a sense of purpose and the children a sense of family. We visited a ministry that reunites trafficked women and children back with their families who have so desperately been searching for them, and day cares that love on little ones while their mothers work. 

We visited Chapa Carepoint in Awassa to witness children singing, dancing, feasting- despite having little to nothing. The two days spent there changed me in more ways then ever...what's going on there is tangible and it will grab you and suck you in. It's the place that leaves me up at night, wondering

how I will get back~

SO...

A lot of people have asked me:

"So what did you do in Ethiopia?"

And I usually say:

"Well, we didn't build houses,"

and then I laugh because I've got about 5 minutes to explain something 
that has taken me weeks to understand. 



Here's what we did~

We created sustainable relationships...Like Christ did.
 We made connections

that will go on to help make a difference, like Christ did. 
And then those little differences lead to

BIGGER differences that eventually morph into one

LARGE BLOB OF "DIFFERENCE"

that will and can create

REAL CHANGE!

Here's what we saw~

We saw individuals working together to create differences that will have lasting effects

We saw women striving to take care of their families and getting back dignity

We saw people, families reestablishing the feelings of hope
We saw children relax as their feet were washed

We saw a truly kind people with the deepest brown imploring eyes

that fill with laughter over anything
We saw young girls learn about their bodies
We saw adoptive parents meet their children's family members
We saw the construction of a new care point

We saw people walking miles just to get water

We saw beggars lying in the street with their children

We saw women walking miles with 250lbs of Eucalyptus branches on their backs

We saw children with no shoes, no clothes and no options: HAPPY

We saw people picking through trash for food

We saw sorrow

We saw joy

We saw devastation

We saw grace

We saw LOVE

We saw Jesus in Disguise


I hope that everyone has a Happy Easter
and thank you for reading!
Next Post: 
All about Chapa and My "Things"